Neither Influence Nor Persuasion
A few years ago I attended a one-day course through the University of Sydney’s Centre for Continuing Education called Effective Communication. The course promised, among other things, to teach attendees how to “be assertive effectively”, “how to best influence others positively” and how to “communicate more effectively in the workplace”.
The course appeared to be exactly what I needed. At the time, I was working in a very male dominated environment where every point of view or suggestion I put forward was summarily ignored or fobbed off.
This was frustrating because I knew I knew my stuff and did not doubt the value of what I was proposing; it was, at the very least, worth considering. I presumed, therefore, that the problem must have been an inability on my part to express my opinions and ideas effectually enough for them to be appropriately appreciated…
…[so much can be said here but I’ll refrain]…
To be honest, I don’t remember very much from the course except for one particular premise made right at the outset. As soon as our instructor uttered this founding statement, I knew immediately that I would be forever handicapped in my pursuit of persuasion or influence.
We learned that in order to be effective in communicating your ideas and in bringing others over to your way of thinking, it is essential to be likeable. And in order to be likeable, it is necessary to be able to connect with people through the things that interest or excite them.
“Oh no!” thought I, “I’m a lost cause, in that case – I may as well go home now.”
This was back in the heady days of the TV series, Game of Thrones. The level of obsession with the show was astronomic and there was hardly a living soul who wasn’t fully invested in the murderous plot full of complicated intrigue.
The problem for me was, not only had I never seen the show but I also had absolutely no interest in watching it. I couldn’t understand the appeal – I was confused by people’s obsession with it, their compulsion to speak about it incessantly, and their almost religious devotion to watching the latest episode, careful not to fall behind lest they stumble over an inadvertent spoiler the following day. My colleagues at the time were the same.
I realised that day, after completing the effective communication course, that I am very unlikely to ever have the power of persuasion over anyone – I am too much of an oddball; I am more likely to reject the very thing that everyone else is crazy about for the simple reason that everyone is crazy about it.
This means that there are likely to be fewer things on which I will be able to connect with people on, resulting in a lower chance of rendering myself likeable, and therefore less apt to be able to influence others’ points of view.
I never did manage to influence anyone in that old workplace, despite having completed the Effective Communication course, but I’m pretty sure the real reasons laid less in my disinterest for pop-culture, and more in the perceived irrelevance of my gender.
That said, I’m not sure I was very liked, so perhaps that was the REAL reason?
Ultimately, I believe that being your genuine self is far better than the disingenuous pursuit of being liked; being respected for your knowledge and intellect, and admired for the very things that set you apart from everyone else is a far greater achievement than merely being liked.
If that means I’ll never be able to influence people, then, so be it, I can live with that.