What Our Dead Want Us to Know (and what we wish to tell them)

Lately I have gotten addicted to watching snippets of an American TV show about a medium who communicates with the dead. As the cameras follow her around in both structured readings and mundane errands, she delivers messages to random people from their dearly departed, bestowing upon them reassurance, closure and peace.

Do I believe this woman is actually conversing with the dead? I don’t know – I’m sure the magic of television and clever editing makes all things seem possible. But, do I wish it to be true? Absolutely!

As someone who has suffered the heart wrenching loss of loved ones, I absolutely want to believe what this medium proposes – that people who have gone from the physical world are still with us in spirit, watching over us, sharing our ups and downs, and providing us support from the other side.

After watching clip after clip of this medium, one thing has become apparent: the “messages” she delivers from the departed are basically all the same. The dead are fine, they are not sad or suffering, they are sorry and/or thankful, they are with us, and they love us.

The other thing I’ve learned in watching parts of this show, is that we, the living, carry a lot of guilt when it comes to the people we have lost. Guilt for things left unsaid, for things left undone, and for things beyond our control.

And what is their (the departed) response to all this guilt? We know; we do not blame you.

Without fail, every person that receives this message via the medium bursts into tears. It’s honestly difficult to watch without becoming emotional yourself.

Putting aside the shaky ethics and emotional manipulation bordering on abuse of this kind of person/program, what I find most fascinating is the commonality anyone who has ever lost someone shares.

This week marks the twenty-third anniversary of the passing of my older brother, Johnny; I would give the world to be able to speak to him one more time, to share with him what I have achieved, what I have suffered and to tell him what I wish I had told him before he disappeared from our lives.

It’s tempting, when you miss someone so much, to want to believe you can somehow connect with them again. The worst thing about death is not always the life that the departed did not get to live, but the life we do not get to share with them. But, if we’re to believe this medium, the regret is all ours.

We know, deep down, that those who loved us would never want to hold us back, I don’t think we need a medium to tell us it’s ok to continue living.

If we all share the same regrets, fears and sorrows, towards the people we lost, do we not, then, have an opportunity to prevent those feelings from developing in the future? Think of all the people you care or cared for in your life that are still alive – if they were to die tomorrow, what would your regrets be? What would you wish you had told them or asked them?

Whatever that is, tell them now, ask them now.

As for those who have already left us – if we are to believe in the genuineness of the medium – we can tell them too because they are still with us.