Who Are The Grown Ups Here?

Can you remember the first time you distinctly felt grown up? Was it when you got your driver’s license and with it your first taste of independence? Or was it when you went to university and called your professors by their first name instead of Mr or Ms whatever? 

Maybe you didn’t feel grown up until you hit the ‘real world’, a place outside of the insulating walls of tertiary education where you were not only expected to deliver real outcomes but were paid to do so?

Did living away from home for the first time and having to pay rent and utility bills that were addressed to you and not your parents make you feel grown up?

Was it the first time you had sex? Or was that just a fumbling mess that left you feeling confused and disappointed? 

Perhaps it was when you first went travelling on your own?

Some people don’t feel grown up until they get married and/or have kids. Often people aren’t considered truly grown up until they’ve achieved both. If having kids is the catalyst for growing up, what does that mean for those of us who are child-free?

Personally, I had my first inkling of feeling like a grown-up when I signed up to my mortgage; I was in my late 20s and had ticked off most of the above (except the marriage and kids bit). The feeling, however, was short lived. The thought of having to repay such a large amount of money over a period of 30 years was daunting and I wondered what the hell the bank was thinking by lending me the money!

Having your heart broken for the first time is a sure way to feel less like a child, but then again, I had my heart broken by a friend when I was ten, so maybe that’s not it either.

Experiencing great loss and having to overcome it can be a fast-track to growing up, but the hopelessness of grief can make you feel so utterly ill-prepared to face life that you just want to curl up and not deal with it – that’s not very mature, is it?

I know I definitely didn’t feel grown up when my father’s dementia worsened and he could no longer look after himself – I may have been in my mid-thirties but I know I wasn’t ready to lose my Dad. I believe nothing makes you feel more like a child than the prospect of losing your parent; it doesn’t matter what age you are.

We’re all meant to nurture our inner child lest it throws an unexpected tantrum and dominates our rational brain, but how do you know if you’ve overindulged it? I’m sure we’ve all seen adults having hissy-fits, running amok, blaming others for things gone wrong, and being generally incapable of adequately managing adult life – is their inner child spending too much time being outer?

Politicians – big sooks pointing fingers and telling fibs. Are they grown up? 

Maybe none of us are truly grown up; we’re all just wandering around pretending to have our shit together hoping no one catches us out. If that’s the case, we’re in trouble.

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Figuratively Speaking

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Single Decisions - Part 2