A Heart Apart
Unbeknownst to you, every day, you talk to, sit beside, walk by, and interact with people who are only half present. Or rather, they are totally present but a large part of them happens to be somewhere else – for various reasons, these people are not wholly in the space they physically occupy.
You’d never know this about them, as it doesn’t affect their capacity to engage with you or do their job or fulfil their daily responsibilities or even enjoy their lives. In fact, many of them wouldn’t be entirely aware of this inner absence until perhaps you quizzed them about it. And those of us who are aware of it, have learned to live with it, because – for now at least – we have no other choice.
Recently, I became acutely aware of my membership among this group of people, and in becoming a part of it, the enormity of the group overwhelmed me. For there are many reasons why a person may unknowingly subscribe to this group, but the underlying truth that links us all is singular.
And that truth is that while we are alive and kicking here, in this place we exist, our hearts abide elsewhere.
My awakening came during a recent trip to Italy, the country of my parents’ birth, a nation full of contradictions and chaos but also beauty and warmth. It is a place I have visited regularly, and where I also lived for two years, fulfilling a lifelong dream and enjoying the best time of my entire life.
Leaving Italy after each trip has always been heart breaking, and not just because a holiday was coming to an end and the drudgery of every day life awaited me at home. No, leaving Italy is always heart breaking because it’s where my heart belongs. And on this last trip, it is where I left it.
The realisation that my heart will always be in Italy while my life will always be in Australia was devastating. My anguish was so palpable, even the taxi driver who took me to the airport for my homeward flight was moved to tears! It is an irreconcilable truth that exists notwithstanding the comfortable life I lead, and the dear friends I have, in Australia.
I am not ungrateful for what I have here in Australia. But, in Italy I feel like I belong, I recognise myself in the people there, the sights, colours, sounds and smells uplift me, and the philosophy and approach to life of its people inspire me. I have never really felt the same here, despite it being my birthplace.
There are hundreds, thousands of people who have left their hearts in a far away place, or whose hearts were lost with the passing of a child or partner. Everyday people live beside you, smiling, loving, laughing, and all the while their hearts are somewhere far away. Perhaps one day we will reunite with our hearts, but until then, it will always hurt…
…to have a heart apart.
© 2025 Maria Orlandi