A Letter to the Obtuse
What is it that you believe? What end do you want to achieve?
If it is to exonerate yourself, then you are travelling the opposite course.
If it is for forgiveness, then know that forgiveness is not born of threats and ultimatums.
If it is redemption you seek by comparing yourself to those you perceive to carry the same sin, then you are blinder than the blind.
Do you not know that each sin stands alone; can you not see that your wrongdoing was unique? Why? Because the hurt you caused is specific to the persons you have hurt.
The persons you hurt cannot be hurt by the same wrong perpetrated by others to others. The lives of the persons you love were not thrown into chaos by the same action taken by somebody else to somebody else.
YOU broke the home. YOU betrayed the trust. YOU caused the tumult. YOU. YOU. YOU.
But more obtuse than this, is your cowardliness. Your inability to admit you erred and to take responsibility for the fallout. How monstrous it is for you to pass the blame, to point the finger, and to demand retribution.
Your biggest sin was not the original, but the manner in which you have conducted yourself since. That is when you lost your integrity. How petty you became, how miserly. What mattered to you most should have mattered little, and the little you could have done was beyond your comprehension. Your ill-placed envy and baseless arguments caused more damage than your wrongdoing. But you do not have the emotional capacity to see this. How pathetic you are holding love to ransom.
Grow up. Act the adult. Do not seek to inflict harm to alleviate your own pain. It will not bring the change you hope to see, indeed, it will shed a darker light on your head.
Your obstinate refusal to accept that patience and time are your only recourse now is the measure of the person you have always been. That you do not realise that you must be the one to wait, to be contrite, and to do the work speaks volumes of your character. No one owes you anything, especially not the people who were hurt by your actions – the cover you seek is respectability, but it will remain far from your grasp while you keep slipping on your ego.